What a Girl Wants

Went to a coworker's wedding tonight. Wore a cute new outfit and really cute shoes (that I even already owned, *and* were on sale!). Was a bit concerned about having sequins on the top, but I figured, if I had to attend this wedding by myself, then I should at least look fabulous.

As I was walking down the block from my car to the wedding location, carrying the gift, I suddenly thought of Sex and the City. Not that I was ever one of the huge followers - I've only watched it in syndication. But walking down the city street, a bit glammed up, carrying this rather large gift, I felt like I was in one of the monologue portions of the show about the power, or perils of being single. Because, as much as you can project this aura of confidence, or convince yourself you're okay and happy with being single at this point, it still takes a fair bit of "suck it up" and a rather large collection of inner courage and confidence, or self-convincing, to walk into a situation like this completely on your own, especially when everyone you know at the event is married.

At one point later in the evening, just as I was finishing up a drink, my one coworker (who had gotten me a drink earlier in the evening) appeared, literally out of nowhere (I hadn't even started wondering if I wanted another yet - and he had been having another conversation on the other side of the room since he delivered the last drink), with another, saying "Here, you looked like you were low on that one."

And while there's nothing there - he's married and is just actually that sweet - it sort of solidifed something. Any time I've wished my single status was different in the last year or two, it came down to a fairly basic reason. At the end of a long, hard day when all I wanted, more than anything else in the world, was a hug. Crawling into bed on similar days, wishing I wasn't alone and had someone to put my arms around. Waking up first thing in the morning, wanting to be someone's first thought, or having someone wondering how I was feeling that day. Being somewhere (like at an event) and having someone pay enough attention to what's happening with you that they somehow show up with the drink you didn't even know you wanted.

For all the laundry lists of what we want in a man, or think we want, I really just want someone who looks in my eyes and cares and is concerned, about what's happening with me and what I'm feeling. That's all.